Amazing Discoveries!

Anybody remember that infomercial, AMAZING DISCOVERIES, from the early nineties?  Maybe it was the very late eighties.  Yes, yes, I know- I look too good to be able to have memories from the eighties.  But seriously- anybody remember AMAZING DISCOVERIES?  It was an informercial (poorly disguised as a talk show) all about some new tooth-whitening product.  My favorite part of the show was when an ex-Miss Universe appears as a guest star and tells an outrageous story about how she and her husband would point and shout 'CAMEL TEETH!' at each other until they discovered the new tooth whitening product.

This informercial was on, every day, at 6:30AM.  I watched it EVERY MORNING FOR AN ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR.  Eventually, I taped it (awww, memories- remember 'TAPING' things?!) and then my brother and I studied it to perfect our live staged version of...AMAZING DISCOVERIES.

We were very enthralled with acting out things we become obsessed with from television.  There was our live version of the Christopher Reeve hosted "HOW TO RAISE A STREET SMART CHILD," complete with lines such as, "Yeah, that's good Julie- now, just lower the strap on your swimsuit just a little bit lower..." 

Aaaaand, there was also our live version of the infamous GERALDO 'race-riot' episode- complete with simulated chair to Geraldo's face.  This was quite the hit production at our family's Thanksgiving celebration one year.

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen.  I don't know what I'm talking about, anymore.

OH YEAH!  

I'm here to share an AMAZING DISCOVERY!

I know that many of you, like myself, planned to wake up this morning to find out that you're a brand new BILLIONAIRE, thanks to the lottery.  So, we'll say this post is a consolation prize to all of us papercrafters who thought we would have enough money to buy Sizzix and tell Tim Holtz that his new job is to spend all day hanging out and crafting at our side.  Obviously that didn't happen.  So I'm left to my own devices.

You all know how much I love to buy gadgets- kitchen, craftroom or otherwise.  Almost as much as I love one dollar lap-dances in New Orleans.  Imagine my excitement when I saw this:

photo from Scrapbook.com

That's the "Get-It-Straight" Laser Square from KellyCraft.  

What is it?  It's pretty simple- yet ingenious.  You lay your scrapbook paper on the thing, then use the column on the right to align a laser pointer thingy in a straight line across the page so's that you have a nice straight line to use to properly line up embellishments, titles or whatever else you're determined to glue to your scrapbook page in a classy straight line.  You know- it's basically a tool to keep your pages from looking like you do your scrapbooking while tossing back vodka-and-tonics at bar.  Like I do.

Believe it or not- my heart stopped for a moment.  I HAD to have this thing!  Then, I saw the price tag.  89.95.

I'm sorry, Kellycraft.  But I can get a lot more bang for my hundred bucks than a plastic square with a laser pointer stuck on its side.

But I still thought it was a good idea.  And it is, Kellycraft.  I'm sorry if I'm coming off too harsh.  It's a great idea- but this thing isn't worth 89.95.  It isn't worth 79.95.  It's not worth 49.95 plus an extra one if I just pay extra 'P&H.' 

So, Kory, WHAT'S IT WORTH?!

A dollar.

Yeahp.  One dollar.  But I would pay 14.95 for one, at a store.

So if I'd pay 14.95 for one at a store, freely and gladly- why is it worth a buck?

Because, for one dollar- THAT'S RIGHT, ladies and gentlemen:

FOR ONE DOLLAR, I 'made' my very own KellyCraft Get-It-Straight Laser Square System.  And I'm here to tell you how you can get your VERY OWN!

Kory's SCRAPiVERSE version doesn't include a 'patent pending sliding laser design,' of course.  And I'm not even going to charge you a hundred bucks or even 14.95 for the idea.  Like everything I do, I'm gonna give it up freely.

First thing you gotta do:  GO TO DOLLAR TREE.  Buy this:

It's a level, intended to stick on the wall to -get this- help you hang artwork in a straight line across the wall.  Since it's from DOLLAR TREE, it costs ONE DOLLAR.

Next, line your paper up against one of the lines on your cutting board or whatever lined surface that I'm sure you have on your scrapdesk.  (Mine, below, is the mega-sized Martha Stewart cutting mat- which I found at BIG LOTS for 3.99.  It's priced at like 59.99 at craft stores.  Clearly, crafters are #@$%&ed in every direction.)

Now that your paper is against a line, as above, place your laser-picture-hanger-helper-thingy on one of the horizontal straight lines:

See how I so-helpfully pointed at the straight line, there?  Very infomercialesque, huh?

Next- use your right (or left, if you're so inclined) index finger to push the red button.  (It's always a red button if a laser is involved.)  AND TA-DAAAAA!  See that?

Classy, huh?  A nice, straight line.  Now you don't have any excuses for a wonky title.  Unless you're scrapping in a bar while throwing back a couple of highballs.  Like I do.

Of course, if a trip to the Dollar Tree would be too traumatic, you may always purchase an official KELLYCRAFT GET IT STRAIGHT LASER SQUARE here: http://www.kellycraftinnovations.com/ or from Scrapbook.com.

It's almost happy hour.  As my best friend's mom, Mrs. Busch, always says:  I've gotta make like a baby and head out.

Enjoy.

-kory

Thanksgiving: a card and Thanksgiving wishes



I can't believe it's already time for Thanksgiving.  It doesn't feel like Thanksgiving.  Why?  Because of the warm weather (thanks, global warming!) or because I haven't had any time to make HAND TURKEYS (thanks, work) or because I just don't care much for Thanksgiving?   I don't know. 

I'll be surprised if this post even catches any views- everyone seems too busy updating their Facebook statuses with daily "I'm thankful for..." posts.  That's something I'm thankful for- those of you that've not jumped on that bandwagon.  Actually, I think I'll go update my F'book status with that and see how many people I can anger. 

No, I won't do that-  it's the holiday season and I've gotta be nice.  So how about I share a little Thanksgiving card that I whipped up during a lunch hour break on an especially stressful day at work, recently?

I am in love with that embossing folder.  It's from Tim Holtz/Sizzix, of course.  What a great frame!  I used a piece of that new embossing folder sized KraftCore paper.  How convenient is that?! 

I also used four dies (also from Tim Holtz/Sizzix) to make this card:

Tattered Leaves

Tattered Banners

Autumn Gatherings

Festive Greenery

Okay- so do you have the last two on that little list?  Autumn Gatherings and Festive Greenery?  They're both Mr Holtz's "Decorative Strip" dies.  And they're incredible.  If you don't have them- go get them.  They're so freakin' versatile.  I have too much fun cutting about fifteen strips of paper and then arranging and rearranging and playing with all of the little pieces of holiday decor fun.  If you have to choose just one, go with 'Festive Greenery.'  It includes some flourishes and different pine-y wreath-y bits of beautifulness that work wonders. 

photos from SCRAPBOOK.COM

See all those great pieces?  I love the tiny leaves and branches on the Autum Gatherings die, too. 

I'll be back, soon, with more fun!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

-kory

Pardon me, I've gone CRICUT CRAZY!

CRAZY!  TOTALLY CRAZY FOR CRICUT!

Yeahp- you saw that right- I'm shouting, not just typing all in CAPS, email-from-Mom-style.

Why am I so Cricut-Crazy tonight?

Maybe you're something like me- prone to excitement, a tad obsessive and suffering from a severe case of SILHOUETTE envy.

You know what SILHOUETTE envy is-  it's the feeling you get when you're cruising the scrapblogs with your mouth open, drooling a bit over all the classy cuts the Silhouette can do...

Then, you turn to your Cricut.  It's sittin' at its spot.  Staring at you, like a kid with a runny nose.

Before I get too far with my story, let's take a trip down memory lane.

I got my first Cricut a little over a year ago.  It was the 'baby' Cricut.  Is that the Cricut Create?  The Cricut Personal Cutter?  I can't remember its official name and I'm too lazy to open a new tab on the old browser here and Google it- but you know what I'm talking about- the 'baby' Cricut that cuts on those 6x12 mats.  Yeah, that one.

I didn't buy my Cricut at a store.  I got it from a scrappy co-worker, who had recently upgraded to the Expression.  I kinda lucked into CricutLand.  She even gave me a cartridge (Home Accents).  My first Cricut and my first cartridge!  What a day!  Because I have such an obsessive personality, I didn't have 'just one cartridge' for long.  That evening, I was combing Wal-Marts and lucked into a couple of 'lite' cartridges in the clearance aisle for 7.00 each.  I also scored DON JUAN.  I'm guessing someone tore up the box for the Cricut machine it was packaged with- as an employee had found it and it's keypad overlay and taped them together.  The cashier didn't know what to do with a box-less, no book-no machine cartridge so she let me have it for 7.00, too.

I was hooked!  I loved cutting things out.  I'd cut things out just to watch the machine cut them out.  When I saw (about two months later) that MICHAELS was going to sell the BRAND SPANKIN' NEW and beautiful CRICUT EXPRESSION 2 at their 'open at 4pm on Thanksgiving DAY sale,' I took that as a sign that YES, I must buy it...  So, after Thanksgiving din-din, I bugged my Mom into braving Michaels with me.  And BRAVING, it was.  The place was packed.  And crazy.  As I cruised aisles with my CE2 in my cart, no less than SEVEN women started up conversations with me by saying, 'Ohhhhh! You're gonna make a girl happy on Christmas DAYYYYY!'

Yeah.  No less than SEVEN women assumed I was there to buy the thing for a lucky little lady back home.  The first lady, I crushed her excitement by exclaiming, "WHAT? WHO? HUH?  WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKIN' BOUT?!  THIS BE MINES!"  She looked as if I'd hit her with her own knock-off Coach bag.  Huhhhhhh?  I didn't know it provided a vicarious thrill, imagining another lady opening up a Cricut on Christmas morning.

So, the rest, I allowed their joy.  I told great stories.  Nice stories, too.  Nice, sweet stories.  Even while I fought the urge to make up a story like, "Yeah, I'm trying to make it up to her, for sleeping with her sister- hope the new Cricut does the trick!"

Wow- how I digress.

Anyways.  I ended up being the head of a two Cricut household.

But shortly after my big CE2 purchase, I began seeing all these Silhouette cuts on all these kick-ass layouts.  Dangit.

I started shopping for a Silhouette.  No store carried this elusive thing.  I don't know if you're like me and/or I don't know if you know this about me- but I HATE to order things online.  I hate paying for something and waiting for it to arrive.  I go crazy.  And then I usually end up needing a vacation day from work on the scheduled delivery day so that I don't have to risk the mailman putting a slip of paper into my mailbox cuz the box was too big and THEN HAVE TO WAIT LONGER TIL I CAN MAKE IT TO THE POST OFFICE DURING THE TEN MINUTES THEY'RE OPEN WHEN I'M NOT AT WORK to pick up my treasures.  Therefore- I've remained Silhouette-less.

But this week, something magical happened.

I began to USE my CE2 again.  While cruising online for Cricut tips, I downloaded the newest Cricut Craft Room software onto my MacBook.  I know this isn't a brand new thing and you're probably gonna shout "WHAT'S NEW AND EXCITING ABOUT THAT?!"

Well, it's NEW to me.  Not so new to me, as I used the 'online only web version' a tiny bit, in the past, while pretending to be working but really just playing at the office.  But now, with the app on my computer- I had a brainstorm.  A real hurricane.  (Sorry, East coast.)

See that?!  Silhouette style frames with attached WORDS!  Yeah!  And IT'S EASY!  Click on an image.  Resize it.  Size it.  Weld letters to it.  Make a new shape by sticking another shape on its side.  (Note to my readers: going forward, I have changed the terminology.  'Sticking' means 'welding.'

And there's those cute little effers all cut out.  I'm in love.

Couldn't stop cutting all night.  There's an arrow with a word attached! 

And...well, I'll stop with the show-n-tell, now.  It just kinda went on like that for hours and hours- 'designing' in the Cricut Craft Room, cutting and squealing like a pig in CARRIE.

Thank you, Cricut Craft Room.  You made me love my Cricut again.  I still want a Silhouette.  Sure, I do.  But I no longer feel like the ugliest scrapper at the crop.

-kory

CREATIVE CHAOS from MICHAELS

So, last night, I was cruising around MICHAELS.  You know, how I like to do...  I spent some time checking out Martha Stewart's Christmas stuff - they're stocking all of her Christmas 'paper tape,' which thrilled me.  I headed over to shake down the SMASH book endcap, hoping to find the new '365' SMASH book.  They didn't have it, yet.  I turned around, a bit sad- but then: OH! Look!  MICHAELS has their own brand of SMASH books.  Yeah, they're not SMASH books- it's like when you go to Walgreens, to buy some Benadryl, cause you can't sleep and your Doctor is on to you and cut you off the sleeping pills so you're making your own with Benadryl and Budweiser beer- but instead of buying Benadryl, you buy Waladryl, cuz it's the same thing but cheaper.  I'm not making any sense at all- I guess what I thought I was going to explain was that MICHAELS has a 'store brand' SMASH book, now. 

But I don't even want to say it is a 'generic' SMASH book. 

Cuz it's better. 

It's the new CREATIVE CHAOS line from MICHAELS.  And it's beautiful.  I love all of their books.  I love that they're BINDERS instead of spiral bound.  I love the papers.  And isn't the name great?  Creative Chaos.  Love it.

Check out this one:

photo from MICHAELS.COM

Classy, huh?

They have a nice range of embellishments, cardstock stacks- everything.  Go check it out.  You won't be disappointed.  Well, if you are, there's something wrong with you.

I picked up a pack of these Polaroid-style frames:

photo from MICHAELS.COM

They're nice, sturdy thick chipboard.  And they're left plain.  Which I loved.  I love them as they are- but you could definitely add some design to them if you wanted them a bit more flashy.  I usually prefer my embellishments how I like my strippers:  totally nude.  That way, if you want to add something you can.  But once they're covered in glitter, it's all over.

I also like that the frames are left plain because of the tragedy that often befalls product too heavily decorated.  The frames are so nice- plain and sturdy- that I must give credit to the creative director or either prevented (or wasn't demanding enough to think they needed) pre-printed sayings like 'INSTANT PHOTO VINTAGE LOVE!' or even the dreaded LIVE LAUGH LOVE across the bottom.

My other favorite Creative Chaos embellishment pack that I picked up?  This nice set of envelopes in WAIT FOR IT:  KRAFT! 

photo from MICHAELS.COM

Yeahhhhh.  Two styles of sexxxy kraft envelopes.  For 3.99.  That's a bargain, dammit.

Get out to MICHAELS and pick up this stuff before the holiday shoppers pick the place clean!

I'll be back, soon, with my SUPER CHRISTMAS BANNER GOOD TIMES!

-kory

Jo-Ann be JUMPIN!

Reporting LIVE from JO-Ann Fabric and Crafts! Twenty people in line. Store out of control. Their corporate geniuses have somehow, someway biologically engineered their product to JUMP OFF SHELVES AND INTO YOUR BASKET. They baskets must have mutated, on their own. I didn't even have a basket and one rolled up to me ON ITS OWN just as product started jumping in OF ITS OWN VOLITION!

Lady in Papercraft aisle tried to help me by tossing a 25% off entire purchase into my hands before she tried to escape.

Okay, now to make it through the line and into the safety of the parking lot where I must wait for my cousin, eh just called me, requesting help buying CLOTHES. Why is my cousin lost and naked and needing me to run into Target to buy clothes?! Is this the beginning of the end or just the good times that run in my family? More later! Tim Holtz reindeer die is flying into my cart!

does anyone still wear a hat?

A few days ago, the lovely lady who worked on the recent production of HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH with me posted on Facebook- looking for ideas on what to wear to a semi-formal steampunk themed masquerade birthday party.  A party happening this Saturday night.  My mind immediately sparked up- I've got gears and clocks and assorted bits shooting out my @$$! 

I know what you're thinking-  lovely language, Kory- but isn't this supposed to be a craft blog?

I offered to help and instanly thought A FASCINATOR!

She delivered a 'mini-bowler hat' that she found at a costume shop and I dragged out anything that looked appropriately steamy.

And here's what I came up with:

I cut the gears with the Tim Holtz GADGET GEARS die to use as a base- I embossed them with some aged copper embossing powder, then layered clock faces, game spinners, some random gear charms and a metal hand from my 'embellishment bin.'  I made spirals of copper wire by twisting it around pencils then stretching it out a bit...

I even sewed a new trim around the brim of the hat.  It's a nice lookin' trim, ain't it?  Would you guess I found it for 1.00 in a bin at Michaels? 

I've discovered a few things while making this hat:

1)  I LOVE making hats.
2)  I need to use my metal bits more- there's no sense hoarding them in their little labeled bins, is there?
and
3)  God bless you, Glossy Accents.  You hold like a mother.


-kory

Check me out at SCRAPUTANTE!

Hey there!!!

Happy Halloween!  A day late- so I guess I should say:  I hope you HAD a happy Halloween!

And speaking of Halloween and all the happiness the holiday brings to me- check out my nifty Halloween project over at the Scraputante blog.  And buy something, cuz she's having a sale.  I'd like to say the sale is in honor of me.  So I will.  Buy some product, because it's on sale in honor of ME!

What is my Halloween project?  It's a pretty love child made from the products of Graphic45 and the great Tim Holtz.  It's this:

But the backside is even prettier (in my opinion).  Wanna see my backside?  Head over to SCRAPUTANTE and check it out!!! 

-kory